Sex Toy Suzi - Hot babes doing naughty things with sex toys!

This hardcore entry from Filmco leaves a shit-ton to be desired. The WhackMan and his girls from the neighborhood could make a better porn flick, and have.

First we get to meet Ms. Heidi Rain, a slender bleach blond who is literally smoking. She wastes no time telling you that she likes her pussy to taste like a cigarette, then quickly introduces you to some blond cow of girl doing a shitty striptease. This bitch is smoking too, and the only cool thing about seeing this unattractive mess of a woman gettin’ her freak on is when she blows smoke on her dude’s dick. And this fuck can’t even stay hard (The WhackMan doesn’t blame him) despite the fact that he was wearing a silver cock ring. Scene 1 was an utter waste of The WhackMan’s time.

Pamela Peaks and her huge whore bag tits are up next. She is of course smoking, and this soon to be fully train-wrecked porn veteran needs to start making some serious life decisions. She spends nearly the entire scene with either her cigarette or John West’s dick in her mouth. The titty fucking is awesome and her shaved pussy looks nice and tight, but in the end her homeboy did - The WhackMan thinks - orgasm, the only problem was nothing came out of his cock. Scene 2 wasted more of The WhackMan’s time.

Scene 3 features Kate Frost, a serious piece of porn star ass who knows how to grind all up on a cock. This chick would surely take home the gold if they ever have a Hand Job Olympics, and she can take a cumshot right in her face with the best of ‘em.

Scene 4 star Michele Raven needs to get that aging ass of hers into a gym. All she’s really good for is some serious face fucking, which is nice, but that whole smoking a cigar with her pussy shit is pure poetry. You can literally see the stogie flame up and the smoke coming out of her cunt. In The WhackMan’s book that’s pure talent.

And the last waste of The WhackMan’s time was Ms. Heidi Rain. As she stroked and played with her black haired pussy and purple vibrator, The WhackMan wondered to himself: Is there a whiter bitch fucking on film today? Probably not. She phones the whole scene in and if you look and listen carefully when she’s moaning you get a great look at a shitty dub job.

The WhackMan could only blow 1 fucking load to this Smoking Hot piece of shit. Fuck you Filmco!

Ah The WhackMan loves that goddamn Teen niche… Director Rocco Sands teams up with Demolition Video to bring us a nearly flawless 3-scene flick entitled Bangin’ The Girl Next Door.

First up is hot blond 19 year old Fallon Sommers and her tight motherfuckin’ body. Lee Stone face fucks the shit out of her then quickly goes balls deep in her tight little box, showing this sweet piece of ass what it’s like to get fucked by a serious porn professional.

Sophia and her big fake and perfectly tanned tits are up next. Brett Rockman and Benjamin Bratt both take turns mouth raping this bitch, then get their hot fingercuff action on, Mr. Bratt at one point stuffing Sophia’s g-string into her mouth ahead of his dick. These dudes continue to violate the fuck outta this young girl, segueing into some hot DP action. Sophia loves it all. She is a slut, and while both her dudes cum on her face she rubs their balls like a pro. Bravo, Sophia!

Bangin’ The Girl Next Door then takes a turn for the worst. Gia Jordan claims to be only 23, and that may indeed be true, but she looks like one of The WhackMan’s fucking aunts with that big ol’ ass of hers. Tyce Bune ain’t exactly in the throes of his prime either, but what really fucked The WhackMan up was the sound of Ms. Jordan’s annoying voice. The WhackMan couldn’t stay hard.

We were on our way to greatness till that fucking last scene, but The WhackMan was still able to take care of business with this one.

So what’s also come along with my new found freedom and the occasional new piece of pussy - just the other day I had a one night stand, my 2^nd since breaking it off with my girlfriend - is that I’ve been wondering just how well I fuck. The 18 year old thinks I’m incredible in bed. She says I’m the best she’s ever had, but that shit hardly means anything ‘cause she’s only had sex with like 3 guys, me being the oldest and most experienced. I haven’t had tons of girls but definitely more than my fair share, and although I’ve never had any complaints, and a few girls have fallen head over heels in love with me, I’ve often wondered how good I am in bed. About a week ago I came across this unique website called FuckHerRight.com.

Real customers send in their sex questions which the hot porn starlets read aloud then act out, adding that whole personal touch thing while you’re personally touching yourself. There are some real sweet pieces of ass on this site. My favorite so far has been Coco. Look at that this girl’s fuckin’ body! I’ve been getting myself off to her for a week while waiting for the 18 year old to get off work. And last night I even chose to stay home and jerk off to her rather than deal with the 18 year old, who has been gettin’ on my nerves a little the past couple of days.

I’m also getting closer to nailing her friend. She’s been flirting with me like crazy, and her tight teen body is so perfectly tanned and toned that I’m contemplating just making a move, not caring whether she tells the 18 year old or not. Either I get to bang her or it’ll blow up in my face, which would be shitty, but I’m banking on the fact that she’ll get all caught up in the whole sleeping with her best friend’s “boyfriend� drama. And don’t think for a damn second that I’ve forgotten about her MILF of a mom. I’m working on it. I’ll let you know how it plays out.

So what the fuck do you think is on this cunt’s mind??? Alexandra from FuckHerRight.com is an amateur gal who takes dick like a pro and is the know about letting you blow all over her stupid whore face, making it glow in a pearly white snow. Cum give her a try.

Dear Fellow Porn Connoisseurs,

The training for my latest and most illustrious of assignments started lo so many years ago. I’ve been a roadie for Guns N’ Roses, ran guns for the Comunistas, read scripts inside the creative department of the most prestigious film production company in the world, dabbled in fraud - subsequently having to do a brief stint behind bars - but every time someone’s tried to bring the Serious Hammer down on me I’ve been able to dodge it. And the women… ah the women… I’ve had my share. I’ve seen things, I’ve lived, and now I’ve come to a point in my life where the good people at allaxxxess.com are paying me to review pornography. I always knew I’d end up in this line of work. It was in the goddamn fucking stars, as they say.

I am many things, but above all I am a professional. Every scene of every movie will be viewed independently, so as to accurately gage a films’ whackability (i.e., how many times I can SUCCESSFULLY whack off to it). I’m tough, but fair. My philosophy is that one should only be whacking off to the best porn available. I don’t “toe the company line�, nor will I ever post a biased review. It’s my background and steadfast belief in these principles that have led me to the point in life where I can make a living by masturbating to pornography. This is how my days are spent. I am available for lectures of any size. I will always be here for you, but I work alone. That is the way it must be.

Sincerely,